Accept Me As I Am
by ninewood
Summary: The Clone Doctor writes Rose a letter. the first of my clone Doctor stories.


Title: Accept Me As I Am

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Walking into the living room, Rose Tyler saw the Doctor sleeping on the couch and stopped. It had been six days since she had been reunited with the Doctor but she wasn't sure how to deal with this Doctor. He had been cloned from the Doctor's severed right hand and was half-human. She had nearly fainted when he whispered in her ear that he loved her and their kiss melted her inside. She saw the hurt and pain in the eyes of the original Doctor and her heart nearly stopped from watching the TARDIS vanish again. Walking to the couch, she saw the pen and paper on the floor and knelt down, picking the paper up. Sitting on the floor, she looked at the words then at the Doctor and tears trickled down her cheeks.

My Dearest Rose,

I remember the first time we met and the first thing I said to you. I told you to run and you took my hand, never looking back. I took you to worlds and showed you things that only live in dreams, or nightmares. You healed me, My Darling, and never knew it. I was so torn up inside, from what happened in the Time War, that I never thought I could love anyone ever again. I didn't want to. Then you absorbed the heart of the TARDIS and it was killing you. I knew that I couldn't lose you so I kissed you and absorbed it back. Stupid, but I did. I told you that no one was supposed to do that and I had to regenerate. I remember the look of horror and confusion in your eyes after I did. I remember how well you, Mickey and your mum took care of me while I was healing and how you cheered me on in silence during the swordfight. Getting my hand cut off did hurt. It was worth seeing the look on the leader of The Sycorax's face when I stood up and grew a new hand. I used to get so mad at you for not staying put but knew, deep in my hearts, that you would be able to take care of yourself. Then, suddenly, you were taken from me.

Did you know that I wanted to kill myself? I thought about it. I could have just sent the TARDIS into a sun somewhere and end it all. I never wanted to go back to Earth again. I did and that's when I met Donna and Martha. Martha healed me a bit and was a very good friend. Then we were caught by the Master and she was the one that saved me. I never told her but it was YOU that I wanted! I kept picturing you coming to my rescue and stopping the Master from doing those things I told you he did to me. I would cry myself to sleep whispering your name. When it was all over, I left Earth and wasn't coming back. Then I crashed into myself and met Astrid. I think I had a bit of a crush on her because she reminded me of you. After that, I was leaving Earth for good.

Things didn't work out that way. I had to come back because I was trying to find the Adipose. That's when I ran into Donna again. I never thought I'd miss her non-stop talking, and being a pain, but I did. She kept me honest and taught me to think before I acted. We had great fun and I started feeling better until Davros and the daleks came back like some plaque. The best thing was you came back to me. I was so happy to see you that I wasn't thinking as I ran to you. I had to hold you. I had to know that you were real. I had to tell you how much I missed you and loved you. I can't begin to explain the pain I felt when I got shot. I remember how careful you, Donna and Jack were as you took me inside the TARDIS but I also knew it was too late. I knew I was dying and was going to regenerate. THAT was something I was NOT going to do! I gathered all the pain, all the anger, all the power, and placed it in the one place I knew that could hold it. I placed it in my severed hand. It was a risk but it worked. After that, we went to fight Davros but the TARDIS and Donna were in danger. In a desperate act, she did what she did and, with my hand, created ME!

But who am I? I have the memories of the Doctor, and some of Donna's memories as well, but I am not him. I know things he knows but I also have his anger and pain. He is right about me being a danger. The thing is I don't know what to do. I'm broken, My Rose. I can't lose you yet I can't keep you if you don't want to stay. He told Joan Redfern, when he was John Smith, that John Smith was still inside him and he could be what John Smith was but she rejected him. So, My Darling, I'm saying the same thing. Your Doctor is in here, somewhere, and I can be that way if you want.

Looking at the paper, Rose felt like she was being watched and looked at him. The Doctor had his eyes open as he looked from the paper to her and she got up. He watched as she carefully climbed on top of him and placed her head on his chest. His heart thumped softly in her ear and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her. She held onto his shoulders as he stroked her back then she supported herself on her elbows, looking into his choclate brown eyes. He brushed some of the dark brown hair from his eyes as she smiled at him then opened the shirt. She looked at the soft chest hair then kissed his chest and he shivered.

"You read it?" asked the Doctor as she looked at the paper on the floor then at him and nodded. "Are you staying with me then?"

"Yes," said Rose.

"I meant what I said. I'll be him if you want."

"What makes you think you're not? I mean you talk non-stop, you are fascinated by everything, you love running all over the place and getting into trouble and make me smile."

"I also annoy your mum to no end!"

"True!"

"The thing is I don't know if I can give you children."

"Maybe Pete can have someone at Torchwood run tests on you to see if you can."

"Does it have to be Torchwood?"

"Yes."

"All right," sighed the Doctor and she kissed him.

"If we can't, we'll adopt kids when we're ready."

"Ok, but I think I know what I want to do for a living."

"What?

"Well, with all these memories locked in my head, I could be a writer."

"But I don't think Torchwood would let you write them."

"Why wouldn't they?! They're MY stories!"

"Let's talk it over with Peter, ok?"

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-key," sighed the Doctor and she kissed him. "It's funny. Remember when we talked about me becoming domestic and how much I'd hate it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't! So, how long will you stay with me?" asked the Doctor and Rose moved up enough to look into his eyes.

"Forever!" whispered Rose when she kissed him and he smiled at her.

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The End


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